Old Stuff
The Transporter (2002)
Directed by Louis Leterrier, Corey Yuen
"The Transporter" is the latest in a string of truly awful action films to come out in 2002 (if you've seen "Ballistic" then you know what I mean). I am sad. Except for dumb lines, stupid plot, and no chemistry between the lead actors, it wasn't all that bad. There was one amazing car chase at the beginning of the movie in which I started to think about what I would be doing after the credits rolled. Another ten minutes go by and I was fantasizing about what my life would be like if I was not watching this piece of shit. Half way through and I was pretty sure that I was getting a preview of what death is like. I had another thought while trying to stay awake -- this is just the type of bad action flick that will do really well when it hits television, a great flick to see in little tiny bits while flipping around the channels late at night. This is a "Replacement Killers" kinda film, only without Mira Sorvino in a black lace bra and razor blade necklace.
Anywho, the story is about some ex-military nut (Jason Statham) who has a bunch of rules about transporting merchandise for his shady clientele. His number one rule is to not know what he is transporting. This seems like a pretty dumb rule if you ask me, but what do I know? I don't have a criminal record. Anywho, curiosity killed the cat, I guess. Our no-name hero can't help but take a peek in his latest package and discovers a tied up woman (Qi Shu). She's run afoul of some smuggling ring headed by some very bad men (don't you just hate those bad men? Darn them!). Well, after breaking that little peeking rule everything in his life just goes to hell, with fights, chases and explosions for our hero. If you've got to know more watch the damn film yourself but don't say that I didn't warn you. You might get some entertainment value from the really bad scenes between Statham and Shu. It's almost like they are acting in two very different movies. -- Rating: $0.56
Tom Graney -- copyright Hollywood Outsider 2002